My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part XV

Drive (2011)

This is a surprisingly smart action movie with some really slick driving and shockingly brutal violence.

The Help (2011)

This film examines what life was like for African American women in the South working as maids in the 1960s. This is the type of movie that seems to be made to get lots of end-of-year awards, dealing with an Important subject and featuring a cast of notable performances. Fortunately it is still quite entertaining and very rarely does it scream, “Look how Important I am! Give me lots of golden statues!”

Hot Lead and Cold Feet (1978)

This is a fun little western comedy with Jim Dale playing three different roles. More Disney fun.

Ip Man 2 (2010)

This is a pretty good follow-up to Ip Man that follows a very similar story structure. The first half is devoted to lots of mostly light-hearted kung fu hijinks while the second half has Ip Man defending the honor of the Chinese people. But this time his opponent is not the Japanese but the British Empire.

The Sleeping Beauty (2010)

It starts out as a kind of interesting re-imagining of the Sleeping Beauty story. I liked some of the fairy tale aspects as Sleeping Beauty dreams a series of adventures for herself while she sleeps for a hundred years. But then things got really weird and it felt like an entire act of the story was missing and the whole thing stopped being interesting in any way.

David Copperfield (1935)

I don’t know if I’ve seen a bad movie based on a Charles Dickens novel. He fills his stories with so many wonderfully quirky characters that they are just begging to be performed by an all-star cast. This movie is no exception. There are wonderful characters galore, with my absolute favorite being Edna May Oliver as the somewhat cranky, set-in-her-ways yet lovable Aunt Betsey.

Best Worst Movie (2009)

I am fascinated by bad movies. In fact, I am almost more excited to compile my bottom ten of the year than my top ten. So this documentary was right up my alley as it looked into the cinematic atrocity that is Troll 2. It was fun to watch interviews featuring the actors in the movie as they told stories of what it was like on set. Most of these actors were fully aware both of how bad the movie is and how bad their performances were. But the ribbing was all in good fun. We also get to see a bunch of fans of the movie who love it because it is so bad. Unfortunately it does get a little painful when they interview the director of Troll 2. He is under the delusion that it is a good movie and doesn’t seem to understand that the only reason people love the movie is because it is so bad. I felt a little sorry for him since he was the only person in the room not laughing at the joke.

And so ends my 2011 Movie Odyssey. Coming up soon is my top and bottom ten of the year. Any predictions?

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part XIV

The Last King of Scotland (2006)

Forest Whitaker puts in an all-out performance as African dictator Idi Amin, a man who is instantly personable yet morally repulsive.

Contagion (2011)

This is the kind of movie that Roland Emmerich keeps making, but done right. A mysterious illness spreads over the world at an alarming rate, killing millions. The film tells the story of a wide variety of people and how they respond to living in the worldwide epidemic. The bulk of the screentime is devoted to the doctors and scientists who work trying to isolate the disease and develop a vaccine. Each is a hero in his or her own way. But we also get Matt Damon as the husband of the first person to die of the disease as he tries to keep together what’s left of his family and stay alive. We also get Jude Law as a conspiracy theorist/blogger who tries to profit from the epidemic. There’s Marion Cotillard as a World Health Organization agent who is kidnaped and held for ransom so that a village will be the first to get the vaccine. Director Steven Soderbergh deftly weaves all these story threads together to tell a story of how the world might cope if faced with a similar crisis in real life. Each storyline is compelling in its own way and is believable every step of the way. Which makes the movie all the more chilling as this could actually happen.

Summer Stock (1950)

Judy Garland and Gene Kelly put on a show! The story is amusing if nothing special. The main reason to see this movie is the scene in which Gene Kelly dances with a squeaky board and a newspaper. (Trust me, it’s amazing.)

Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005)

I do. Quite a lot, actually. Which is why I don’t recommend this movie. It makes direct homage to Strangers on a Train, Vertigo, Psycho, Rear Window, and Dial M for Murder but is vastly inferior to each of those films. If you like Hitchcock, watch more Hitchcock, not this second-rate imitation.

Hanna (2011)

It’s fun watching Saoirse Ronan kick butt, but I wish movies like this didn’t have so high a body count. The good guys kill random bystanders almost as frequently as the bad guys.

Marjorie Morningstar (1958)

The first half feels like a musical without any musical numbers and is kind of fun. Of special note is Ed Wynn who is very good as a protective, somewhat eccentric uncle. But the second half goes into full-on drama mode and gets really boring.

The Muppets (2011)

I’m a big fan of the Muppets, especially their work on The Muppet Show. One of the things that I noticed with their movies starting with Muppet Christmas Carol is that the humor wasn’t quite as sharp. It was as if the Muppets had been tamed. I was hopeful when the screenwriters claimed they were trying to recapture the feel of The Muppet Show and the first couple movies, but they were the same screenwriters who did very adult comedies. Would they be able to reign in their baser instincts and deliver a movie fit for the whole family? Fortunately, they did. The movie does an excellent job of keeping the feel of the television show. The jokes are funny, the songs are fun (with “Life’s a Happy Song” being an especially catchy standout), and there are some wonderful celebrity cameos. It was like spending time with old friends again, and I had a smile on my face through the whole movie.

King Kong (1976)

It’s not so much that it’s a bad movie, but that it’s not interesting, and the guy in a monkey suit is not nearly as convincing as the stop-motion Kong.

The Mummy (1932)

The makeup on Boris Karloff is really good, but the story is rather lackluster. And I never really understood the whole Egypt craze back in the day.

Les Girls (1957)

This musical takes the idea of the unreliable narrator and runs with it. The same basic story is told from three very different perspectives and it is quite fun watching the story unfold from each unique perspective. There are also some fun musical numbers including “Ladies in Waiting,” a surprisingly risque number for the time period.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part XIII

Vampyr (1932)

There is some wonderful use of shadows, but the movie really wishes it was a silent film and the story is confusing.

Gran Torino (2008)

Humor can come from a lot of places. It happens when people say funny things (like Groucho and Chico Marx), it happens when people do funny things (like Harpo Marx), and it happens when funny things happen to someone (like Bringing Up Baby). Humor also can happen on a more subtler level when you get folks just being folks (like most of Garrison Keilor’s Lake Wobegon stories). There is plenty of this final kind of humor in Gran Torino. Not to say that it’s a comedy since the movie deals with some serious subject matter as Walt (played by Clint Eastwood) tries to keep his next-door neighbors from getting caught up in a destructive gang world. But I was surprised at how much I laughed as set-in-his-ways Walt was continually nudged out of his comfort zone. I loved watching the characters interact with each other, especially the scenes of Walt teaching his neighbor how to be a man. (There is a disappointing dearth of scenes like this in movies today, though that’s a rant for another day.) And I loved the ending. Too often a movie like this may end up with an ending that is either too contrived to be believable or too convenient to be satisfactory, but this ending feels so right I can’t come up with a better one. Every once in a while a movie comes along that completely surprises me with how much I like it; this is one of those.

Destiny (1921)

There are some striking visuals in this silent movie as a woman tries to convince Death to return her beloved to her.

Aelita: Queen of Mars (1924)

Called the first Soviet science fiction film, I was interested to check it out. It starts out promising enough as a scientist tries to build a rocket to fly to Mars. But by the time he gets to Mars and starts a Communist revolution there, I had lost all interest in the movie. The visuals are interesting only in a “this is what Russians in 1924 thought futuristic and exotic looked like” way as they look rather silly today.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes (2011)

I just couldn’t get over how bad the scientists were in this film. First they start off making rash assumptions and promises due to incomplete research. Then, when one of them gets exposed to the airborne version of the “make monkeys smarter” drug, do they put him in quarantine, or at least under observation? No. He just continues on his merry way. And then when he start showing unusual symptoms, does he go to a doctor or tell the other scientists? No. Instead, he tries to continue on his merry way, and is ultimately responsible for the future destruction of the human race. There are some fun action sequences and Andy Serkis’s motion capture performance as the main ape is very good, but the poor science just reeked of sloppy storytelling.

Source Code (2011)

Time travel stories can be really tricky. This one mostly works though the ending was too convenient.

The Last Unicorn (1982)

I’m glad I read the book before I watched the movie, as I’m not sure I would have liked it as much had I not known the kind of story it was trying to tell.

Strange Days (1995)

While some of the science fiction ideas were interesting, the movie goes into some really dark and gruesome places.

The Adjustment Bureau (2011)

I really liked this story about a man who tries to defy fate to be with the woman he loves. I liked how simple and subtle most of the effects were and it asks some interesting questions about the nature of free will and even God. I also liked how it ties in neatly with Tolkien’s concept of the music of the Ainur from the Silmarillion.

Birdemic: Shock and Terror (2010)

How is it that a movie can be as inept as this one is in every single aspect possible? The acting is flat, the dialog is clunky at best, the sound is worse than most student films, and the effects are less convincing than the grasshoppers-on-a-postcard shots from Beginning of the End. The story is the illegitimate child of The Birds and An Inconvenient Truth. And for some reason, all the birds explode when they run into things. I have a hard time coming up with the worst scene in the movie. It could be the one where our heroes defend themselves from hovering CG birds by randomly waving around coat hangers. It could be the one where the protagonist extolls the benefits of solar panels (or as he calls them, “sorpaos”). It might be the scene where our heroes walk out of a screening of An Inconvenient Truth and one of them says, “That was a really good movie. I’m going to buy a hybrid now.” But my vote probably has to go to all the scenes devoted to either parking or cautiously pulling into traffic. No other film I have seen has devoted so much time to these two activities that are marginally more entertaining than watching paint dry.

I'm almost done with 2011!

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part XII

Wizards (1977)

I consider the animated movie of The Lord of the Rings to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen, but I was willing to give director Ralph Bakshi another chance. This time around he was telling his own story and didn't have to adapt something as massive as Tolkien's masterpiece into a reasonable running time. Unfortunately, free range Ralph Bakshi isn't much better. The fantasy world he creates makes little sense as most of the rules seem made up on the fly. The animation is cheap, often relying heavily on rotoscoping and stills. (Not-so-small side note: I categorically dislike rotoscoping in animated movies. It's as if the director can't decide whether to make an animated movie or a live action one so says, "Let's do both!" But instead of getting the best that each medium has to offer, what we are left with is the worst of both worlds. Rotoscoped images almost always look woefully out of place once they are placed into an animated world. And one of the main reasons for doing an animated movie as opposed to a live action one is the freedom animation affords filmmakers. Rotoscoping throws that freedom right out the window and deprives animators of the chance to fully ply their craft. Rotoscoping can occasionally be used for interesting stylish effect, most notably in Waking Life, but 99% of the time it is just garish. I'm also left wondering if motion capture is the new rotoscoping.) Characters flip-flop their allegiances on a whim, powerful magical people don't even know how to use their own magic, the bad guy motivates his army using the power of Hitler, and the fairy princess spends the whole movie dressed in extremely revealing lingerie. It claims to be a kids' movie, but I don't find it suitable for people of any age.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

This is a very entertaining movie and Steve Rogers/Captain America is quite a compelling character. I liked how they went with a historical context for him, placing the movie during WWII. Unfortunately, the final scene felt out of place and tacked on. It really should have been the first scene of the next movie or the post-credits scene.

Machete (2010)

What started out as a fake trailer in Grindhouse has become a full-fledged movie. It's quite enjoyable as mindless, over-the-top entertainment.

Waiting for “Superman” (2010)

This documentary takes a sobering look at the state of public education in America today. While it does a great job at pointing out many of the flaws, there aren't a whole lot of solutions to be seen. And I've never been advertised to so much during the closing credits as half a dozen times I was encouraged to send a text to number X "for more information" (not to mention the number of times the film's website was thrown at me as well).

Batman: Under the Red Hood (2010)

Maybe I was just expecting too much, but I was rather underwhelmed by this movie. It tells a fine story, but it left me wanting more.

The Cove (2009)

A group of animal rights activists team up to do their part to stop the systematic slaughter of dolphins at a cove in Japan. Many of their efforts to capture the killings on camera are as thrilling as many spy movies and as intricate. But through the whole thing I found myself disagreeing with almost everything they said. After all, they're just dolphins. If dolphins are as intelligent as the filmmakers claim, couldn't they figure out a way to not get trapped by the dolphin fishermen? All the time, energy, and money they spent trying to save those glorified fish could have been better spent digging wells in Africa, teaching English in China, or working at a homeless shelter in Denver.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011)

With all the boring stuff out of the way in Part 1, Part 2 ends up being a fast-paced, action-packed thrill ride that barely gives its audience time to catch its breath. I could quibble with some of the ways the narrative was translated from the book, but they would be little more than sour grapes. This is easily the second best of the movies (after Prisoner of Azkaban).

Kick-Ass (2010)

This is a slick, energetic movie that is loads of fun.

The Colossus of Rhodes (1961)

Sergio Leone does a sword and sandals movie! While some of the sets are really nice, there's very little that separates this movie from the other films of the genre.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1920)

John Barrymore does an admirable job at portraying both the virtuous Jekyll and the despicable Hyde. It's also interesting to note that the musical took many of its narrative cues from this movie.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part XI

The Gnome-Mobile (1967)

This is a fun little movie as two children (the ones from Mary Poppins) and their grandfather (Walter Brennan) try to help a group of gnomes find a new home. I keep using the word charming to describe these live-action Disney movies, and it’s starting to sound redundant, but that’s the best word I can think of to describe them. They are pleasant and almost always leave you with a smile on your face, even when the humor falls flat. They are trying to be fun entertainment that the whole family can enjoy without talking down to younger audience members or boring the older crowd. I find it very disappointing that Disney nowadays seems to be content aiming for the lowest common denominator with its live-action fare.

Paul (2011)

I was really looking forward to this one. I really like Shaun of the Dead and the televison show Spaced, and I love Hot Fuzz, so the latest teaming of Simon Pegg and Nick Frost was a guaranteed success. Except it wasn't. The humor was not nearly as sharp as in previous efforts and too often aimed for the lowest common denominator. But was really irked me was their treatment of conservative Americans, especially in the character of a sweet, Bible believing young woman. She is shown the enlightened truth of atheistic evolution and suddenly she is swearing up a storm and trying to jump into Simon Pegg's pants. It is supposed to be funny but it really comes out as just pathetic writing. There were some good sci-fi references, but mostly the whole thing was a giant disappointment.

Cowboys & Aliens (2011)

I really liked the first half as Daniel Craig tries to figure out who he is and why he has a weird metallic object strapped to his wrist. The second half, however, is pretty run-of-the-mill action stuff, with the answers to the questions asked in the first half being far less interesting than the questions. The whole thing is still a pretty fun summer action movie.

Splice (2009)

Once I got over how short-sighted and impulsive the scientists acted, this turned out to be an interesting piece of sci-fi/monster horror.

The World’s Greatest Athlete (1973)

The Disney formula doesn't always work. Sometimes you get a movie like this one, that has a couple good sequences, but ultimately is just too silly for its own good.

The Singing Ringing Tree (1957)

I read an article that claimed that this might be the best children's fantasy movie ever made, so I decided to check it out. It is a very pretty morality/fairy tale with lush production design. Some of the costumes and effects are extremely dated, but they rarely look cheesy as they are still interesting to look at. It was quite an enjoyable movie (though I wish I could have watched a subtitled version instead of one with an English narrator). And for the record, The Wizard of Oz is still the best children's fantasy movie ever made.

Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

Eddie Murphy is engaging, but there was very little to distinguish it from similar 80s movies.

Blade II (2002)

I was eager to see this since it was directed by Guillermo del Toro but was very disappointed. The story was unengaging and the big plot twists were dumb.

Oldboy (2003)

In the middle there is an amazing fight sequence. It takes place in a hallway where the main character fights off about a dozen attackers, armed only with his fists and a hammer. The fight is brutal and is staged in one continuous shot. It is an astounding piece of filmmaking. I just couldn't connect with the rest of the film. And by the end, when all the secrets are revealed, I was repulsed by the directions the narrative took. It also didn't help that Netflix streaming only had a dubbed version of the film.

The Adventures of Hercules (1985)

THIS is the Hercules movie that has him turn into a cartoon as the climax. In the sequel to 1983's Hercules, Lou Ferrigno once again stars as the Herc, this time tracking down the seven thunderbolts of Zeus which have been scattered across Greece. The plot is no better than that of a video game; Hercules defeats a monster to reclaim the thunderbolt then instantly travels to the next place where he faces off against the next monster. There are visual effects all over the movie, but they all look terrible, especially the scene in which Hercules battles a glowing ball of light and when he faces off against a gorgon in a blatant (and terrible) ripoff off Clash of the Titans. The dialog is laugh out loud atrocious, and for reasons known only to the filmmakers, every time Herc lands a punch, the screen flashes red. But the absolute cinematic pinacle of the movie is the climax. Hercules and Minos battle each other in the stars as bad rotoscoped images of themselves, occationally transforming into various animals to make everything more thrilling. Then, once Minos has been defeated, Herc gets huge and stops the moon from colliding with the earth. I was wrong earlier; THIS is the worst Hercules movie ever made.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part X

Toby Tyler, or Ten Weeks with a Circus (1960)

Disney regular and ultimate precocious redhead Kevin Corcoran finally gets a movie all to himself. It's a joy to watch him as he learns the ins and outs of the circus business while charming every adult in sight. Toby's pet monkey gets a little too much screen time, but overall the movie is quite entertaining and a wonderful showcase for one of cinema's more underrated child actors.

The Illusionist (2010)

An animated Jacques Tati roams the countryside performing a series of mediocre magic tricks. I really wanted to like this movie, since I love Tati and it was directed by the director of The Triplets of Belleville, but the whole thing was far too melancholy for my tastes and an animated character is no substitute for the real Tati.

The Greatest Movie Ever Sold (2011)

The movie is fun to watch, and director Morgan Spurlock is a wonderfully engaging character, but the movie didn’t tell me very much about the world of product placement that I didn’t already know. I also wish Spurlock had been more biting in his analysis of product placement; the whole thing came off disappointingly tame.

Gymkata (1985)

Who comes up with these ideas? An American gymnast is enlisted by the US government to compete in a dangerous competition so they can build a Star Wars satellite station. He is able to come out victorious by combining his skills in gymnastics with martial arts. The movie is full of cliched or implausible moments, the absolute best scene being the one in which he fights off a village full of crazy people by using a stone pommel horse that just happens to be in the middle of the village square.

Zardoz (1974)

The screenshots from this film of Sean Connery wearing massive red boots and not much else are all over the internet and I was curious to see if the actual movie was as bad as the pictures promised. It wasn’t as bad as it could have been, as some of the story ideas were interesting, but mostly it was just silly. We get a giant floating stone head that vomits guns, trippy, psychedelic visuals in lieu of conflict, and lots and lots of running around for no apparent reason.

Freaky Friday (1976)

This is another winner from Disney. Barbara Harris and Jodie Foster are both very fun as the mother and daughter who switch bodies. The whole movie is full of laughs, and while the climax ventures from preposterous into absurd, the film is very entertaining.

The Long Kiss Goodnight (1996)

I don’t know whose idea it was to make Geena Davis into an action star, but I wish whoever it was would have kept his or her ideas to him or herself. She already proved a year earlier in Cutthroat Island that action was not her forte, but here she is again beating people up and then blowing up their houses. The premise is kind of interesting, but each new plot twist got more and more ridiculous and by the end I just didn’t care about anything.

The Happiest Millionaire (1967)

This is a flawed but at times entertaining musical. It is full of quirky characters and a few fun songs, but it is far too long for its own good and the narrative needs actual structure. Fred MacMurray stars as the titular millionaire who combines boxing and Bible study, keeps alligators as pets, and is a very patriotic American. He’s fun to watch, but he can’t sing very well, and when he tries to speak his songs it just sounds awkward. The movie can’t decide if it’s about the millionaire or his daughter, as long stretches (and many of them rather dull) focus solely on her and her efforts to become a lady after being brought up as a tomboy. The problem is that we never really get to see her act like a tomboy - we just hear her complaining about it. We are also introduced near the beginning to her two brothers who have a really fun musical number, but then disappear for the rest of the movie with almost no explanation given. At almost three hours long in its full version, the movie could really stand to lose about an hour of running time, focusing the plot on Fred MacMurray.

Winnie the Pooh (2011)

I was wary when I first heard about this movie. The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh is one of my favorite Disney films and I am a fan of A.A. Milne as well. Most of what I had seen of previous movies trying to bank on the Winnie the Pooh name (like The Tigger Movie and Pooh’s Heffalump Movie) they bore very little resemblance to both Milne’s original stories and the look of the first movie. So I was quite pleased to find out that the story was taken from three of the original stories and the look was a return to the 1977 film. The movie is quite charming and I was very pleased that they kept the characters’ interactions with the narrator, never letting the audience forget that these stories originally appeared in a book. It is a worthy sequel to the original.

Good Hair (2009)

This is a fascinating look into the time, effort, and money that African American women (and some men) put into making their hair fall down straight instead of frizzing up in an afro. The documentary is very entertaining and informative, though it made me sad to see an entire culture of people trying to model themselves after other people instead of trying to do things with their hair that are uniquely their own and that white women can’t do.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part IX

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

I liked the first movie and was an apologist for the second movie, but I can’t do it any more. The movie is loud and obnoxious, most of the humor falls flat, and for a movie that claims to be about the Transformers, there are an awful lot of long sequences that don’t even feature them. I’d love to see more Transformers movies, but they really need to start from scratch and hire a director who is more interested in plot than with explosions.

Mildred Pierce (1945)

I enjoyed this noir-ish mystery and the character of Mildred Pierce is fascinating, but I wanted to strangle her daughter Veda (though to be fair, that’s the response I was supposed to have).

Whip It (2009)

I mostly liked this movie, though I am disappointed by how much better it could have been. Ellen Page’s character is the only one we really get to know, and while I know a little bit more about how roller derby works, the film never fully explains how the sport works. That being said, it was still quite enjoyable, and for a girl power movie you could do a whole lot worse.

Thor (2011)

It is a fun movie, but I found it hard to fully accept Norse gods running around the mostly realistic world already created by the Iron Man movies (even with the mumbo-jumbo about them actually being interdimentional aliens).

Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949)

This black comedy is fairly amusing. The main reason to watch it is to see Alec Guiness play all eight members of an old, aristocratic British family.

Capturing the Friedmans (2003)

The Friedman family is turned upside down when loving father and husband Arnold Friedman is found to have child pornography in his possession. But then things spin wildly out of control as a slew of additional accusations are leveled against him. They are despicable. And yet almost all of them fail the "let's think about this for a minute" test. This fascinating documentary takes complicated subject matter and leaves the audience to try to determine what the real truth is.

The Watcher in the Woods (1980)

I was brought up on the live action Disney films of the 70s and 80s, and have seen most of them. But there were still a few glaring holes in my Disney watching history. That, coupled with an anemic Netflix queue, led me to start filling those holes. The Watcher in the Woods has some wonderfully creepy moments and looks great. Even if the ending left me wanting, it was still an enjoyable journey.

In Search of the Castaways (1962)

It starts out really funny. A science professor goes through a series of misadventures in an attempt to sneak himself and the two children in his care onto a boat bound for exotic locales. This opening act is really entertaining, and Maurice Chevalier is instantly likeable as the professor. But then the globetrotting adventures start, and I found it increasingly difficult to suspend my disbelief since the situations our group of adventurers found themselves in got increasingly far-fetched.

Babe: Pig in the City (1998)

This is a charming movie full of wonderfully quirky characters and excellent animatronic work. I especially liked the look of the film with it's warm, slightly stylized aesthetic that reminded me a lot of Amelie and the television show Pushing Daisies.

The Cat from Outer Space (1978)

It's kind of That Darn Cat meets Escape to Witch Mountain, and is a whole lot of fun, even if it gets a little silly at times. The plot revolves around a scientist who teams up with the cat from the title to collect the materials the cat needs to repair his space ship. Of special note is Harry Morgan as the army general who is in charge of tracking down the alien; nobody can do gruff comedy quite like him. And of course the film is further proof that cats make wonderful movie characters. I really wish there were more cat movies out there.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part VIII

Thunderball (1965)

It’s James Bond, doing James Bond things. Really, most of the James Bond films, while entertaining, start to all look the same after a while. The only thing really separating this one from the others is the climactic underwater battle at the end. But while it is well-choreographed and very ambitious, everyone moves at half speed since they are underwater, and much of the energy is lost.

Sweet Smell of Success (1957)

Everyone in this movie is a mean slimeball looking to advance themselves in society so they can be even bigger mean slimeballs.

Wait Until Dark (1967)

Audrey Hepburn is amazing as a blind woman who unknowingly gets caught up with a group of drug dealers. There is plenty of thrills and suspense throughout the movie, and the way Hepburn’s character finally deals with her antagonists is wonderful.

The Big Heat (1953)

This is one of the first “obsessed cop does whatever it takes to bring down the bad guys” films and also one of the best. Glenn Ford stars as Dave Bannion, a cop on a mission to take down a local drug lord. Along the way he encounters damaged dames, truly evil thugs (especially the one played by Lee Marvin) and corruption that goes all the way up to the police commissioner. I especially liked the scenes of Bannion interacting with his wife; they are so warm and amusing they paint a wonderful portrait of marital bliss in the midst of an otherwise very dark movie.

Troll 2 (1990)

Every once in a while a movie comes along that is famous for being so bad. This movie is so inept that someone made a whole documentary about how bad it is. First of all, there is not a single troll to be seen in this movie. Instead we get a town full of goblins. The goblins look like cheap Halloween costumes and apparently their favorite food is half human half plant. The acting is bad across the board, especially Deborah Reed as the goblin queen, who chews so much scenery that it’s a wonder there was a set left by the end of the movie. All the characters are idiots, none of them even approaching likability. And then there is the script, full of clunky dialog and loads of “as you know, Bob” exposition. But the absolute best part of the movie comes during a car trip. Mom tries to cheer up her son by getting him to sing. “Sing that song I like so much.” Taking a page from Manos: The Hands of Fate, I mockingly started singing “Row, row, row your boat.” And then the kid started singing. “Row, row, row your boat...”

Time Runner (1993)

Mark Hamill tries his best to break away from Luke Skywalker, but unfortunately he’s just not a good enough actor to pull it off. The story is pretty mediocre and the time travel elements don’t really work since the screenwriters never really bothered to set rules and follow them.

Cars 2 (2011)

Is it the weakest Pixar movie to date? Yes. Does that mean it’s a bad movie? Absolutely not! While the story is pretty pedestrian, there is plenty of imaginative eye candy on the screen. In many ways it reminds me of the opening sequence of Toy Story 3 - we get to see inside John Lasseter’s mind as he played with his toy cars as a child.

Super 8 (2011)

This movie does an excellent job of capturing the feel of a late 70s/early 80s Steven Spielberg movie. It is also just as entertaining.

Young Mr. Lincoln (1939)

I like how this isn’t an origin story trying to tell the story of how Abraham Lincoln became Abraham Lincoln. Instead, it’s merely a chapter in the life of someone who eventually goes on to become a great American. The bulk of the movie centers on a court case where Lincoln is defending a couple young men who are accused of murder. Henry Fonda is a joy to watch as Lincoln, and he commands the screen wonderfully, both in dramatic courtroom scenes as well as quiet moments with the family of the young men accused of murder.

High Sierra (1941)

I liked Humphrey Bogart’s character of a gangster who just can’t seem to make it in the outside world. But I couldn’t stand the stupid dog that Bogart adopts, who gets way too much screen time and always brings trouble to the people around him.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part VII

The Italian Job (1969)

It started out kind of slow, and it was difficult keeping straight who all the different characters were and what was really going on. But then the infamous car chase started and the movie instantly skyrocketed from mediocre afterthought to minor classic. It is so much fun watching a trio of Mini Coopers evade the authorities through city streets, across the Italian countryside, and even on top of a building.

McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971)

This is an ugly, depressing story about unpleasant, unhappy people who wallow in an unclean world (until the bathhouse/brothel gets up and running, making the uncleanliness more metaphorical). I didn't like anyone in the film, and the background music was both out of place and annoying.

Never Let Me Go (2010)

It's kind of like The Island (or Parts: The Clonus Horror, if you prefer) with all the chases and explosions replaced with character development and musing on the human condition. With no special effects wizardry to worry about, the film is able to explore what life would really be like for people who grow up knowing that they will one day have their organs harvested from them. What results is a melancholy story that I found surprisingly engaging and beautiful as the film asks, "How do you live your life when you know your time is limited?"

Blindsight (2006)

This movie tells the tale of an expedition to take a group of Tibetan teenagers and have them hike the mountain that is right next door to Mount Everest. The kicker: the teenagers are all blind. Throughout the film we get to know the teenagers, their troubles and ambitions, as well as their handlers on the journey and several family members. It is heartwarming as the team conquers each obstacle, tense as the leaders have to make the hard decisions about whether to continue on when half the group is suffering from altitude sickness, and heartbreaking as various parents try to reconcile their child's blindness with their Buddhist beliefs.

Evil Dead II (1987)

It has its moments, but it's mostly 84 minutes of gross violence that is sometimes scary.

In a Lonely Place (1950)

Humphrey Bogart is rather unlikeable as a screenwriter who tries to clear his name when he is the prime suspect in the murder of a young woman. To be honest, I'm not that fond of doomed love stories.

The Way Back (2010)

I really wanted to like this movie. Peter Weir has directed two of my favorite movies (The Truman Show and Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World) and I've been anxiously waiting for his next movie for several years. Unfortunately, it was a long, arduous movie whose characters never really distinguish themselves from one another. There were a few sequences that really worked, especially a cleverly edited montage at the end, but for a true story about a group of men achieving the impossible, the whole thing was rather flat.

Charlie, the Lonesome Cougar (1967)

This simple little Disney film is kind of charming as it tells the tale of a cougar who is raised by a group of loggers. It’s the type of thing I would have liked as a kid, though I’ve kind of outgrown such stories.

Reds (1981)

This movie can’t decide what kind of a movie it is. It starts with a series of real life people talking about journalist and communist John Reed and his girlfriend/lover/not wife Louise Bryant. Then we get Warren Beatty and Diane Keaton running around as Reed and Bryant, doing the things that the talking heads were just talking about. Then we get more talking heads. Then another dose of Beatty and Keaton. Just pick one: documentary or biopic. And at over three hours, the movie is interminably long. The filmmakers really needed to remove the talking heads (or even better, the Beatty and Keaton melodrama) to give the movie a more taut running time. Of course then I started to wonder what was the purpose of even having this movie at all. I disagreed with almost everything Reed said, and the relationship stuff was an unending cycle of fighting, moping, and making up.

I Am a Fugitive from a Chain Gang (1932)

It is a tragic story, but the screenplay works so hard to paint the protagonist in the best light possible that it quickly loses any semblance of a reasoned argument. The film is still worthwhile as a historical document, but it has not aged well. And Paul Muni is the 1930s version of Sean Penn, and I don’t mean that in a good way.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part VI

The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933)

There are some interesting images in this early talkie from Fritz Lang that would have been better as a silent film.

The Country Girl (1954)

Grace Kelly goes plain and won an Oscar in this OK movie. Wait, what am I saying? Grace Kelly is supposed to illuminate the screen in gorgeous gowns by Edith Head. This is a terrible movie.

Three’s a Crowd (1927)

Having seen most of the important silent comedies from Keaton, Lloyd, and that other guy, I was interested in checking out the work of Harry Langdon. My first foray into his films was a major disappointment. The movie is not very funny and the plot is seriously flawed. But the biggest issue I have with the movie is one of missed opportunities. There is a comically long flight of stairs leading up to Langdon's apartment, which he does absolutely nothing with. Chaplin would have walked up and down the stairs in a funny way, Lloyd would have almost fallen off them, and Keaton would have built a whole sequence around them, but Langdon lets them sit there begging to realize their comic potential.

The Chaser (1928)

Fortunately there were two Harry Langdon movies on the disc, and The Chaser was quite funny. Langdon manages to make doing mundane housework and even just sitting there very funny. The plot is rather ridiculous, but I enjoyed Langdon's performance and am eager to check out more of his work.

The Fly (1958)

Constructed more as a murder mystery than a monster movie, The Fly is very entertaining and manages to avoid being hokey like many of its contemporaries. And the final scene is still quite chilling.

King Kong vs. Godzilla (1962)

This movie is terrible. King Kong looks like a man in a bad monkey suit and his face makes him look incredibly stupid. The fight scenes are uninspiring, the models look like models, and the whole idea of electricity making King Kong stronger is just laughable.

Samurai Cop (1989)

This is a gloriously bad movie. The action scenes fail at being thrilling or believable, the cinematography is shoddy, the dialog is awful (with lines like, “I will bring you his head and I will place it on your piano.”), and it even features Robert Z'Dar and his incredibly huge face. Samurai Cop's sidekick can't decide if he's the stoic silent type, or the wise-cracking black guy, and he manages to pick wrong in every single reaction shot. But the best part about Samurai Cop is the Samurai Cop's hair. The actor sports gloriously long 80s locks, but halfway through filming he cut his hair, so wears cinema's worst wig for half the movie. The great thing is that it switches back and forth between real hair and wig throughout the movie, even in the middle of some scenes.

The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007)

This is the kind of movie tailor-made to win cinematography awards. It looks great. Unfortunately the film is way too long for its own good and drags far too often, especially in the final act.

Monster Camp (2007)

This documentary tries to tell the real story behind the people who participate in Live-Action Role Playing (or LARPing), but the production value is amateur, the subjects aren't particularly interesting, and it never manages to really explain how LARPing works or tell much of a story.

Little Caesar (1931)

Maybe its just too much of a precursor, but I found the story to be unengaging and the tough-guy dialog felt hokey. I guess I only like my classic gangster movies to star James Cagney.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part V

Strange Invaders (1983)

This is a rather forgettable movie that is neither funny enough for a spoof of 50's B-movies nor affectionate enough for an homage.

Let Me In (2010)

This American remake of Let the Right One In brings very little in the way of anything new to the material. In fact, its so similar that there's very little reason to see both versions. (Though I would vote for the first one not only because it was the first, but also because the remake uses a false inciting incident: taking an exciting scene from the middle of the movie and putting it at the beginning to hook the audience then throwing up a "Three Months Earlier" title.)

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)

The movie was not nearly as bad as I was expecting it to be. If you go in with low enough expectations, it's actually kind of fun.

The Killer (1989)

The main reason the see this movie is the copious amount of gloriously over-the-top gun battles.

Cube (1997)

Six strangers find themselves in a maze-like building of identical rooms. There they must figure out how to survive the deadly traps that are found in most of the rooms and ultimately escape. There's plenty of tension and the various traps are rather inventive, but the whole thing is overly grim, both with the characters and the ending.

A Serious Man (2009)

I didn't like any of the characters and all the bad things that kept happening to the main character just got ridiculous. I expect more from the Coen Brothers.

The Nutty Professor (1963)

I am just not a fan of Jerry Lewis. This is supposed to be his best movie, yet I found both versions of the professor to be woefully unfunny.

Trafic (1971)

While not as good as Jacques Tati's other films, there are still plenty of amusing moments as he tries to get an experimental vehicle to an auto show.

Henry V (1989)

I now know the context for the “Band of Brothers” speech.

Boys Town (1938)

Spencer Tracy as Father Flanagan is really awesome and the idea of a Boys Town is a really interesting one (especially once I learned that it is a real place), but Mickey Rooney's troubled youngster was a bit too much of a caricature for me.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part IV

Ooh! Blog posts two days in a row! I'm going crazy! (Or something.)

When Worlds Collide (1951)

In a precursor to Deep Impact, a rogue planet is on a collision course with Earth. The only way for the human race to survive is to build a space ark and be off Earth when the planets collide. What follows is an interesting and at times intense story of human ingenuity and survival, with both the best and worst of humanity on display.

127 Hours (2010)

James Franco does a one man show through most of the movie as a hiker who gets his arm trapped by a boulder and has to cut it off in order to get free. Franco does an admirable job carrying the movie and the amputation scene is fittingly unsettling. The only real flaw in the film are the occasional dream sequences featuring other people; they break the tone of isolation that is one of the film's strongest features. (It also contains what may be my favorite burp in movie history.)

eXistenZ (1999)

This movie tries to keep the audience guessing as to what is reality and what is not, but I stopped caring about half-way in and the ending left me extremely dissatisfied.

Aeon Flux (2005)

The story is rather silly, but the fight scenes are choreographed well and it has an interesting look.

Unknown (2006)

Five men wake up in a warehouse all suffering from amnesia. It's fascinating to watch as they try to figure out who they are and why they are there, and which of them are the good guys and which are the bad guys. There are a few flashback scenes and a few flash sideways, but the bulk of the movie (and all of the interesting stuff) takes place within the warehouse.

Hercules (1983)

I remember seeing the ending of a Hercules movie some time ago that featured as its climax Hercules going into space and turning into bad animation to defeat the bad guy. It was really bad and I was interested in seeing the whole thing. I hoped this would be it, but sadly it wasn't. Fortunately, it was as bad as I remembered the other one being. Lou Ferrigno stars as the worst Hercules I've ever seen. From the neck down he actually looks like Hercules should look, but his face is too soft to be convincing as a hardened warrior. Add to that wooden acting and only one facial expression of dull bemusement and Ferrigno brings the world of beefy action stars to a new low. Herc fights ridiculous, laser-shooting mechanical monsters, travels from one place to another for no apparent reason, duels King Minos with a light saber, and gets huge. The screenplay has no narrative cohesion with things happening merely due to the screenwriter's whim. This is the worst Hercules movie I've seen. (And it has a sequel!)

The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1949)

The first half of the movie tells the tale of Mr. Toad from The Wind in the Willows. While there's nothing bad about it I found the whole thing rather flat. Things get much better in the second half, which tells the tale of The Legend of Sleepy Hollow. It is dark, atmospheric, a little scary, and very entertaining.

Winter’s Bone (2010)

High schooler Ree has to make sure her father makes a scheduled court date so the family won't lose their house in an isolated Ozark community. Jennifer Lawrence puts in a strong performance as Ree, as she tries her best to keep her family together. What I found most fascinating about this movie is more about what isn't there. There are big things going on with drug dealing but we see almost none of it. Instead, the filmmakers take a minor character from a film noir and make her the hero of her own little story.

The Good, the Bad, the Weird (2008)

This Korean re-imagining of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is wild and full of energy. However, I never really latched on to any of the characters and the ending was unsatisfactory. Recommended mostly for fans of Asian cinema and spaghetti westerns.

Tron: Legacy (2010)

I love the 1982 original and was really looking forward to the second chapter of the Tron saga. Unfortunately, the whole thing fell rather flat. The messianic themes of the original are replaced with eastern mysticism. The action sequences were overblown and many felt like they existed just to throw flashy imagery at the audience. In many ways, Tron: Legacy reminds me of The Matrix Reloaded in that it took the unique, original vision of its precursor and expanded it but did it in a way that made everything more muddled and far less interesting. And CG young Jeff Bridges just looked wrong.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part III

Micmacs (2009)

While not as good as Amelie or some of his other earlier work, Jean-Pierre Jeunet still infuses this film with plenty of quirky characters and lots of his unique visual and narrative style. The whole movie ends up being quite fun.

Things to Come (1936)

As a vision of the future, the movie is pretty interesting, predicting what life will be like from 1936 to 2036. It's fun to compare what they got right and what was wildly inaccurate. Unfortunately, it's rather boring. Since it covers so much time the characters keep dying off to be replaced by new characters, depriving the audience of anyone to really latch on to. And the movie is so preachy in its anti-war message that it manages to sap any remaining energy right out of the film.

Shallow Grave (1994)

Danny Boyle's directorial debut is full of unhappy people doing unpleasant things to each other; a real downer of a movie.

MirrorMask (2005)

I give the movie points for creating a new world but take them all back for its visual style. Everything is distorted in a grotesque way and half the time I felt like I was watching the movie through a dirty pane of glass. The plot is little more than a twisted retelling of Alice in Wonderland, and the plot twists were either cliched or contrived.

Blood Simple. (1984)

Several sequences are very well crafted but the overall bleak tone of the movie kept me from enjoying it.

Die Hard 2 (1990)

This seems little more than a bad episode of 24. I found some of the plot twists unexpected, but only because they were really dumb.

It Came from Outer Space (1953)

There's little in this movie to separate it from all the other alien invasion movies of the 1950s.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010)

As I expected, the movie was a little too long and slow and didn't have a satisfying ending. This is the problem with telling a story in two parts that was never designed to be split up. I can't pass final judgement until I see Part 2, but right now I feel that there should be just one really long movie. (And they still left too much for Part 2.)

Catfish (2010)

What starts out as a rather unremarkable documentary about a photographer quickly escalates to being almost a thriller about the way people choose to present themselves to the world.

The Kid Stays in the Picture (2002)

This is an interesting look into the life of Robert Evans, one of Hollywood's most celebrated producers. My main problem with it is that of the four movies that get the most attention, The Godfather is the only one I like and I utterly loathe Love Story and Rosemary's Baby.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part II

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Me, I am thankful for movies from the good to the bad, in their wide-ranging genres and subject matters.

Exit Through the Gift Shop (2010)

This is a fascinating look at the world of street art and the artists who make it. It starts with a montage of street artists plying their craft - some clever, some vulgar, and some outright vandalism - all while a song plays in the background declaring that “Tonight the streets are ours.” Then we are introduced to Thierry Guetta a clothing shop owner/documentarian/aspiring street artist. He’s quirky, full of life, and enjoys almost unlimited access to some of the biggest names in street art. But when he starts doing his own street art it’s derivative and repetitive (and most if not all of the actual artwork is done by other people). What results is a wonderfully entertaining look at several interesting people and the work that they do, even when their art is completely illegal.

Alien Nation (1988)

It tells an interesting story about racist attitudes towards the alien population in America, but it would have been better if the violence had been toned down and the fun factor increased.

Invaders from Mars (1953)

It has some wonderfully creepy moments in the first half hour as aliens take over the minds of various townspeople, but the end is rather unspectacular and not very distinguishable from similar efforts from Roger Corman or Burt I. Gordon.

Dogtooth (2009)

Nominated for a Best Foreign Language Oscar and available on Netflix streaming, I thought I would check this movie out. I should have stayed away. It tells the tale of a family who isolate themselves from the world. The parents use scare tactics and misinformation to keep their children inside their little compound. Why? I have no idea because the movie never bothered to tell me. I kept waiting for something to happen to shake things up, and it finally happened in the last couple minutes of the film. But instead of exploring the implications of the first real plot development of the movie, they decided to roll the credits instead.

Metropia (2009)

This animated movie has an interesting noirish look, and the individual frames look really good. Unfortunately, the animation leaves much to be desired. The characters reside squarely in the uncanny valley - the human models are wonderfully detailed, but they move so little and unnaturally that the filmmakers might as well have just filmed Barbie dolls bouncing across the screen. The story tries to be a dystopia along the lines of The Matrix, but ends up making little sense, and none of the characters are particularly memorable either.

Ip Man (2008)

This is a fictionalized account of Ip Man, a martial arts master who trained Bruce Lee (and many others). The first half is a whole lot of fun featuring plenty of martial arts hijinks in a largely pre-industrial Chinese town. Then the Japanese invasion of WWII happens, and the film takes a decidedly serious turn. Ip Man and his fellow countrymen struggle to get enough food to feed themselves while still maintaining their honor in occupied territory. Ip Man is fascinating to watch, both in moments of quiet dignity and when he is laying down some martial arts smack-down.

The Secret of Kells (2009)

This beautifully stylized animated film tells a fictionalized account of the creation of the Book of Kells. The film takes many visual cues from the artwork in the Book of Kells, leading to a movie that looks like a moving illuminated manuscript.

Earth vs. the Flying Saucers (1956)

It's better than a Roger Corman movie, but not by much.

The King’s Speech (2010)

This is a well made movie that smacks a little of Oscar porn. There's not a whole lot that I loved about the movie, but really the only thing I didn't like about the film is that I felt they focused on the wrong character. Colin Firth's character is only interesting because he is a prince who stutters; take those two things away from him and he's rather dull. Geoffrey Rush, on the other hand, is quite engaging as the speech therapist who manages to help Firth overcome his speech impediment. Had they focused on his character instead, the movie would have been far more interesting.

Unstoppable (2010)

This is a fun action movie that wasn't as cliched as I was expecting it to be, though the ending was a bit of a letdown.

My 2011 Movie Odyssey - Part I

Now that November is half over, I really ought to start posting my movie odyssey. This year I've been much worse than usual about keeping up with my thoughts on the movies I watch. So far I've seen 132 movies this year for the first time but only have 55 blurbs written. (Somewhat in my own defense, I have been working on other projects.) But at least one of you likes reading these, so here is the first installment.

The Social Network (2010)

This is a slick movie that is full of energy. The opening scene between Mark Zuckerberg and his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend is immediately arresting with dialog so quick it would make Howard Hawks proud. The conversation continually goes on tangents then loops back around in a way that reminded me of reading a comment thread on facebook. Jesse Eisenberg is electric in the role of Mark Zuckerberg, graduating from “poor man’s Michael Cera” status to becoming a force to be reckoned with. The Social Network is engaging all the way through, with fascinating characters, memorable performances, and a taut script, all held together masterfully by director David Fincher.

Exam (2009)

Eight people are in a room prepared to take a test that will determine which one of them will be given a high-profile job. The only problem: when they turn their test papers over, there is nothing written on the other side. The entire film takes place in the exam room, and it is fascinating to watch the candidates as they try to figure out what the rules are and what it is that they need to do.

The Proposal (2009)

Sandra Bullock is fun to watch (as always) and there are a few laughs, but there is nothing in this film to distinguish it from the rest of the romantic comedy crowd.

Black Swan (2010)

This visually striking tale about a ballerina's descent into madness features strong performances from its three leading ladies, a compelling story, and lots of beautiful ballet. I just wish it hadn't decided to go into weird sexual territory.

This Film Is Not Yet Rated (2006)

I was hoping that this would be an honest documentary about the merits and flaws of the MPAA rating system. Unfortunately, it was actually a 97 minute rant against the MPAA's puritanical view of sexual content, completely missing the fact that the MPAA rating system exists for the movie- going public, not the filmmakers.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

There were a couple interesting visual touches, but overall I was bored with the endless scenes of teenagers running and screaming.

Tangled (2010)

This is a really fun movie. The animation is gorgeous and features several wonderful moments of pure character animation (with the animators constantly coming up with new and inventive uses for Rapunzel's hair), the songs are all pleasant (though none of them are particularly memorable), and Rapunzel spends most of the movie barefoot. Really, what's not to like?

True Grit (2010)

The 1969 original is one of my favorite westerns, so the Coen brothers' version had a lot to live up to, and they delivered a fine remake. Roger Deakins’ cinematography was beautiful as always and Matt Damon played a much more interesting LaBoeuf than Glen Campbell’s take on the character. But The Dude cannot hold a candle to The Duke.

Innerspace (1987)

This was mostly fun, rather silly, and very 80's. To be honest, I find it hard to believe that Dennis Quaid’s character had any friends at all based on how he always acted.

Darkman (1990)

It’s an interesting take on superhero tropes, but it was too dark and angry for my tastes.

Top and Bottom of 2010 - #4

Best

Gojira (1954)

This movie is much better sans dubbing and Raymond Burr. Godzilla is downright scary, partly due the to the fact that we don’t actually see him until half way through the film. His immense size and incredible strength make him a virtually indestructible killing machine, and that is before he unleashes his radioactive breath. The scenes showing the aftermath of his destruction are shocking and grim, on par with the best war movies. There is a love story that is little more than filler and the means of Godzilla’s demise are classic B-movie silly science, but when it comes to pure terrifying destruction, Godzilla can’t be beat.

Worst

2012 (2009)

I went into this movie ready to nurture some deep hate towards this movie (after all, my opinions of Roland Emmerich’s other “masterpieces,” The Day After Tomorrow and 10,000 B.C. are well documented here) and right off the bat the movie delivered. I was treated to a series of disjointed scenes that are supposed to give the audience a sense of dread, but instead left me silently screaming at the screen, “Just get on with it!” The worst scenes involve respected scientists telling high ranking officials that something really bad is about to happen, but the screenwriters go so far out of their way to keep the really bad something a secret that it all ends up being awkward and forced. Then, fifteen minutes into the movie, we are finally introduced to our main character, played by John Cusack. After it is firmly established (and then some) that he is a bad father and estranged from his kids, he learns that the world is going to end, but that there is a secret government conspiracy that is planning to keep humanity alive. Then we get far too many contrived scenes of driving really fast while being chased by a crack opening up in the earth. Then, once Emmerich decides that driving away from a crack in the ground isn’t good enough, they graduate to a plane and have daring escapes flying through toppling buildings while the earth disintegrates. (Though, correct me if I’m wrong, but can’t airplanes go up? So shouldn’t they have been able to just fly over the tops of the crumbling buildings without a care in the world?) Then it just happens that John Cusack is a chauffeur for a rich guy who has a “get out of the end of the world free” card, so Cusack & Co. join up with him and they get in an even bigger plane and fly through an even bigger crack in the ground. Interspersed throughout all this thrilling stuff are scenes of characters around the world who pop in and out of the movie at random, and I think we are supposed to care about them, but since Emmerich does not invest anything in these characters, neither does the audience. Even when the characters die horribly, the scenes are far more likely to induce yawns than tears. After countless scenes of improbable coincidences and contrived tension (due mostly to the scientists saying, “Oops, we miscalculated, and the world will end tomorrow instead of a week from now; actually, cancel that, the end of the world is six hours away; no, wait, it’s more like thirty minutes”), Cusack & Co. finally make it aboard a giant ark that is designed to weather the storm and save humanity (after all the expendable characters are killed off, of course). And did I mention the politicians who are demonized merely for being pragmatic? Ultimately, 2012 wishes it was Deep Impact with a heavy dose of The Day After Tomorrow, sprinkled with a spoonful of Titanic, but The Day After Tomorrow is the only movie it managed to not be vastly inferior to.

Coming up next: the biggest fanboy and fangirl movies of 2010.

My 2010 Movie Odyssey - Part XXV

Eclipse (2010)

This is the best of the Twilight movies so far, but that is like saying bleach is the tastiest household cleaner. There actually are enough elements here to make a good movie including a reluctant alliance between two factions that are historically at war with each other. Unfortunately all the potential is squandered. Characters’ motivations are unclear, the dialog is clunky, and everyone (except the breath of fresh air Anna Kendrick) still suffers from giant pause-itis. Apparently Bella is really important for some reason or another, but the director, the screenwriter, and actress Kristen Stewart still have yet to show us why.

The Chronicles of Narnia: The Voyage of the Dawn Treader (2010)

I had no idea what to expect with this movie. The book is extremely episodic, which makes it very difficult to translate to the screen and as a result this is definitely the weakest of the Narnia films so far. The added characters did little more than get in the way, the story often felt rushed, and the inclusion of a quest to find a bunch of swords made me feel like I was watching a video game. There were also times when the screenwriters opted to write their own dialog when Lewis’s original words would have worked just as well or better (and never once did the Dufflepuds exclaim “Keep it up, Chief!”). But there is still a lot to like in this movie. The production design looks great, Will Poulter (of Son of Rambow fame) is perfect as Eustace, and the newer take on Repicheep as a pint-sized Cyrano de Bergerac is well done. The best part of the movie is watching the relationship between Eustace and Repicheep grow from bitter antagonists to best friends. And almost all faults were forgiven when Aslan uttered one of my favorite lines from the books at the end.

Baseball (1994)

Ken Burns’ loving yet epic documentary tells the story of baseball through the twentieth century. It chronicles baseball’s humble beginnings all the way to the mega-franchises of today, with numerous highs and lows along the way. There is plenty of talk about Babe Ruth, Ted Williams, and Ty Cobb, but there is also plenty of time devoted to the Negro leagues and to the way baseball existed outside the major leagues. I would call this a love letter to baseball, except that description falls far too short of the amazing accomplishment that Baseball is. All 19 hours of it.

Baseball: The Tenth Inning (2010)

A lot has happened in the baseball world since 1994, so Ken Burns decided to make a sequel to his epic documentary. This time it was a little different for me since I started following baseball in 1993, so I lived through everything the film chronicles. All the important things are here: Roger Maris’ record falling to Mark McGwire whose record in turn fell to Barry Bonds, Hank Aaron’s record falling to Bonds, Cal Ripken Jr. outlasting Lou Gehrig, and the Red Sox finally winning the World Series (twice). But the largest chunk is devoted to the steroids scandal. What could have been a very angry and vindictive treatment was instead sorrowful and introspective, trying to understand why and how it happened instead of pointing fingers. There were a few things that I wish they had included (most notably Ricky Henderson, Ivan Rodriguez, and fantasy baseball) but overall it is a nice followup to a great film. The only true misstep comes at the beginning when it chronicles the despair of Giants fans who root for a team that has never won a World Series, made obsolete since I just watched the Giants beat my Rangers in the World Series just two months prior.

A Cry in the Dark (1988)

This is the heartbreaking tale of a family which is forced to deal with a personal tragedy under intense media scrutiny. It is also a scathing indictment of how the media can quickly turn heroes into villains almost on a whim and can take a simple story and blow it completely out of proportion.

Being There (1979)

Peter Sellers is charming as a simple-minded gardener who becomes a national voice of wisdom through a series of misadventures. The film is quiet fun with the only drawback being a scene where a character masturbates that is supposed to be played for laughs but is completely out of place with the rest of the movie.

Coming up next: my top and bottom 10 lists from last year kick off.

My 2010 Movie Odyssey - Part XXIV

Renaissance (2006)

The stark black and white imagery was interesting for the first ten minutes, but as the movie wore on I found myself longing for some shades of gray to add depth and flavor to the world. The story was interesting enough to hold my attention but I can only recommend this film to people who are looking for alternate, more adult animated fare.

White Zombie (1932)

This movie had the misfortune to come out in the early talkie years. As a result the dialog is wretched and the sound quality is uneven. There is plenty of interesting atmosphere here, but the film would have been better had it either been a silent film or waited a few years and been produced by Val Lewton. It has an interesting take on zombies, and Bela Lugosi is creepy as always, but the overall effect is still more silly than scary.

Thelma & Louise (1991)

Susan Sarandon and Geena Davis are electric as the titular duo. And while I can’t condone all of their behavior, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. And once again Brad Pitt proves that he is at his best in off-kilter supporting roles.

Inglorious Basterds (2009)

I never find Quentin Tarantino’s films to be boring yet I rarely find them entertaining. Though they are all high energy thrill rides they almost always leave me feeling cold. This film is no exception. While I can admire the craft that went into making the movie, Tarantino fills the film with so many unlikable characters that I never feel good about rooting for any of them.

Gentlemen Prefer Blondes (1953)

This film has plenty of laughs, a couple good musical numbers, and lots of entertainment in between. There’s not much to distinguish it from the other Technicolor musicals of its day but there’s plenty of fun to be had.

Coming up next: the final six.

My 2010 Movie Odyssey - Part XXIII

The Hurt Locker (2008)

This is a truly intense tale of three soldiers whose job is to defuse roadside bombs in Iraq. Director Kathryn Bigelow deftly conducts the disarming of each new bomb so that each one has its own brand of terror.

(500) Days of Summer (2009)

I really enjoyed this unconventional romantic comedy and I really wish more romantic comedies would end like this one as it would make them much more believable.

Point Break (1991)

Since I really enjoyed The Hurt Locker, I was interested in checking out some of the other films in the Kathryn Bigelow canon. Unfortunately, this one was a major disappointment. It starts out interestingly enough with police officer Keanu Reeves going undercover to solve a series of bank robberies, but it meanders too long in the second act with endless scenes of surfing and I hated the ending. Even though he was extremely charismatic, I disagreed with almost everything beach bum Patrick Swayze had to say; if everyone lived by his philosophy, nothing would ever get done.

Red (2010)

Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Morgan Freeman, and Helen Mirren look really cool and blow lots of stuff up. Really, what more needs to be said about this popcorn piece?

Timecrimes (2007)

The trailer had me intrigued and I’m always interested in low-budget science fiction. However, the time travel elements did not work for me with effects constantly causing the causes and the main character is almost completely unsympathetic.

Coming up next: the penultimate movie odyssey post for 2010.

My 2010 Movie Odyssey - Part XXII

The Running Man (1987)

Arnold Schwarzenegger beats up a bunch of silly bad guys, spouts a series of one-liners, and is generally very manly as he runs around. There’s also some sort of futuristic game show involved as well.

Despicable Me (2010)

This is a cute movie that, while it only made me laugh out loud a couple times, had me smiling through most of it, and never had me smacking my forehead. It is mostly enjoyable but largely forgettable outside of the thousands of little yellow minions who always manage to get themselves in trouble.

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

This is a movie that exists solely to show epic video game style fight sequences. The story that strings them together is rather inconsequential and none of the characters are particularly compelling or likeable, but the visual energy makes for an enjoyable, if shallow, ride.

The Good German (2006)

While I can appreciate director Steven Soderbergh’s attempt to evoke the films of the 40s (and George Clooney looks great in black and white), the whole thing felt too much like a deconstructionist version of Casablanca for me to truly embrace it (and Tobey Maguire looked completely out of place in black and white).

Alice (2009)

This new take on Alice in wonderland is more flat than wonderful.